When you see me on the internet (or interwebz as the cool kids call it) you wouldn’t think that I’m an “Anti-Social” person, what with me doing YouTube videos and blog posts like this. Away from the computer and the internet …. that’s a different story. I feel I should share with you why I avoid away from social situations, and why I don’t like crowds.
When I was born I was diagnosed with ADHD, and still have it now even though I’m 21 years old. You see back when I was in Primary school, the teacher for some stupid reason told people I had ADHD and that it made me a psychopath, and as you can imagine all the kids at the school were bullying me because of it, not only that but my year 6 teacher kept putting me down in front of the entire class because I got confused. To add even more insult to injury the teacher thought it was a good idea to put me in extra English and maths when I didn’t need it. Basically she was trying to tell me I was dumb, and when I misheard what she was telling us to do …… I got told off a lot. There was one incident where someone hit me with a massive stick of wood, I hit them back and guess what ….. I’m the one who gets the shit for it yet the other guy got off free. Not to mention the constant bullying I had from all the other kids. I tried to make friends but ….. no one wanted to talk to me, everyone hated me in primary school, well that’s what it felt like anyway.
Then when I got into high school, I thought that it would all go away, all the bullying ……no. First thing someone said to me ….. “You’re a tramp”. It then escalated from there and it got worse and worse. I ended up getting my arse kicked in year 7. People would still try and constantly wind me up, and it made me feel so low …. I wanted it to end and I almost did, but unlike primary school I had friends who were willing to help me overcome it and things slowly started getting better as time went on, people would say things like “alright john”, they even called me Mr.Bean, I kinda liked that nickname so it didn’t bother me. I even got beat up at lunch because I refused to let someone take a cut in line, this was buy a year 7, I was in year 10 at the time so you can imagine that it caused the bullying to go up again.
If I didn’t have such good friends, I probably wouldn’t have been alive to write up this blog post.
Not only that, but once again the teachers thought I was dumb so they put me on extra English when I never needed it, which replaced German class for three years, then they put me back in German in year 10, the teacher assuming I already know everything there is to know about the German language, and guess what. I failed the German GCSE exam, the teachers set me up to fail and they didn’t even aplogise. I could have spoken up, but once again I felt as if it would cause more trouble than its worth.
What made matters worse is what my head of year told me “You don’t know what bullying means” …….. that made me lose trust in all of the teachers in the school. I started to doubt myself, I just didn’t care that much after that.
You know why its hard for me to socialise with people …….. its because:
- People think I’m dumb/stupid
- People think I’m a psychopath
- People think I’m a nasty person
- They think I’m boring
- They just don’t want to talk to me.
- They think I’m ugly.
I even had a girlfriend at one point, but that ended after a year because she was spreading lies about me. This doesn’t help either.
I avoid socializing because it always ends up being a negative experience for me, but people don’t realize that. Some people say bullying makes them stronger ….. its made me weaker and it affected me so much in my life …… its tough … no…. impossible to forget what happened to me during those times.
Don’t get me wrong I don’t mind jokes at my expense, but when it turns into bullying is when I have a problem.
I know how pathetic this blog post has been but ….. thanks for reading anyway.